In about 6 hours I will observe the anniversary of the day I did something no parent should ever be asked to do. One year ago today I took a loaded handgun from my own son's hands after he threatened to kill himself.
Perhaps it seems overly dramatic to commemorate an occasion that ultimately resulted in no actual bloodshed but that was the day my dreams of a normal life for me and my son were finally put to sleep for good.
Every parent has a vision for how we want our kids' lives to play out. Some imagine the most minute details of the kids' lives; some wish simply for their kids to be healthy and emotionally fulfilled. Most, I suspect, fall somewhere in between.
This blog is the most selfish thing I've ever done, for it will not be about my son's journey. No, I will be using this blog to share my own healing, as the parent of a deeply ill adult child.
It will not be easy for me to write or you to read. Some people will be left angry; some will protest I should not air "dirty laundry".
Frankly, I don't care. If being painfully honest about my experience helps even one other parent, it will be worth it. If I can provide one other person with a safe, judgement-free arena in which to share, I will take comfort in that.